6/22 2025

dear blog,

Life. all its ever been about is change, hasnt it? I learn again, again, and again. and then, im here. of course, how could i learn from such easy going tasks? to get whatever i want so easily? I am a shit person. I dont know whats going on, i promise you, i promise that ive never known. even when i was a little girl. my feelings and emotions. my anger and sadness. i just hate everything. i even hate myself. its not the angsty klind, its a lot more different, its like, living with someone that you just dint get. all you two do is argue, and bicker with one another. yoiu know all their habits, every single one, you even know the way they laugh and why. but you cant you just cant put your hands inside of them at all. it all doesnt work. i want to just rip my own heart out, i dont want to, i want to do a lot of thinsgs. why does life have to be this way? why do i have to struggle, when i never wanted to, i love all the people ive ever met, i just dont know what to do anymore. i want someone to hug me, to hold me, why am i so selfish, and, evenif i did have it, id always be ungrateful . i will never appreciate it. i judge everyday but iim the same as you. im such an edgy stupid bastard. i want all the things i had before, im gfoing to be a big grown girl sooon, what am i going to do with myself? and why? whats at the end of all this? i just want to understand someone,i want to understand myself through them i wnt eveyrthing. and i hate romance and i hate relationships too, i dont want anything like that. i dont ecen want astupid boyfriend. i want to hold someones hand, not because we are this or that, becasue the souls inside of us are the same, and we hgave both cried before, and the mirror is dirty and i hate everything. Im so immature, im not me, even this isnt me, nothing is, i dont get it, i dont get anything i dont get anything i dont getanything i dont get it but it all isn wrong, something is wrong. i dont want to be alone. im just rambling now, i tried to reach apoint for myself but i guess there was no point to begin with

ill try to update this more, i have nothing else to do in this worthless lifde ive made for myself like a gross bed